It Didn't Matter

There are times in your life when you have to make tough decisions. Decisions that may impact those you love and care about. It is during those times when you have to ask yourself if the choice that you are making is the best choice for everyone involved or if it is just the easiest choice. Recently, I discovered that sometimes the hardest choices that we make end up not really mattering. I'd heard the saying "It didn't matter" and I always thought that it should always matter. I think that's where I went wrong. My logic was flawed because there are times when it truly doesn't matter. 

You could choose the plain water or the water with a hint of fruit and it doesn't matter. It won't change anything, it won't impact your health. Some could argue that the flavor matters, but does it really?

Of course, I am speaking of trivialities but the truth of the matter is the choice that I had to make was much more complicated than whether I wanted fruit infused water or not. Lives were at stake. It mattered. It felt like it should have mattered. It didn't matter. 

Maybe I might look back on this post and say to myself "You got it wrong, it mattered". That's entirely possible. Until then, I will resolve myself that I did the best that I could do in an impossible situation but that at the end of the day it didn't matter. 

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Walk Down that Dark Road - A Poem

It has been a long time since I last wrote to you. There have been a lot of changes in my life. It is because of these changes I wanted to write a poem and share it with you. It is titled "Walk down that dark road". 

.....

Walk down the dark road

The path that leads you here

Walk down this road laone

I promise I'll be there

Fear not the forsaken promise

I cannot tell a lie

For if you wander away from this

I swear that you will die

Tears swell inside your eyes

Your legs begin to quiver

Is it true? You wonder why...

Your fear turns into shivers

Come in closer and you will see

The terror deep inside

Fr if you run, run into me

You'd better try to hide

There is no darkness greater than

The one that rests within

There is no darkness greater than

A life that's filled with sin

Goodnight....

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Working Through the Struggle - Find Reasons to Smile

Jennifer S. - Find Reasons to Smile Everyday

We have all been there. Those moments when everything feels like a struggle. It is during those times where you might find yourself wondering why you bother. Those times when everything feels like it is going wrong and the light at the end of the tunnel appears to be very far away.

Perhaps, I am being overzealous when I say that we all have been there. It is entirely possible that I am in the rare minority of people that have bad days and find it challenging to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. If you are not in this minority I thank you for reading anyway and encourage you to pass this information along to someone that may benefit from it.

The reason why I opted to write this piece is because I have been asked (not infrequently) how it is that I manage to be in a good mood and smiling all the time. This question makes me chuckle because it causes me to reflect back to when no one would have made that comment to me. Yet, here I am, the person who is always smiling and always seems to be having a good day.

There is a reason for this. I call it shifting my perception. I am sure there is a more technical term but for sake of brevity we will just call it shifting perception. Let me clarify what I mean by this. OK, so let's say that my alarm went off but since the night before I turned down the ringer so I can watch a movie I don't hear it. Of course, I wake up late and now find myself frantically trying to perform the same morning routine that would normally take me 40 minutes in 10. It sounds impossible I know but it can be done, it is just very difficult.

I get my daughter into the car, drop her off at school (thankfully just before the school bell rings) and race to the office. No coffee. Ouch. I manage to get there in one piece, and, without losing my sanity (from that one driver who thought that cutting me off at the last minute so he didn't have to be forced to turn right was a good idea.) I park in the parking lot at my building (noticeably further away than normal) and sit there for a moment.

My emotions are running high. I can feel the tears beginning to form in the lower part of my eyelids. I wonder if the makeup that I frantically put on will smear. I pull down the vizier and stare at myself for a moment. I know I should race into the office, I can't be late but I stop myself. I sit down and I focus on my breathing. As I calm my breathe my mind begins to calm as well. I start thinking about how fortunate I was to wake up with enough time to get dressed and get my daughter to school before the bell. Now, she won't have to have a bad day because of me.

I think about how awesome I was at narrowly avoiding a car accident thanks to cut-em-off guy. Lastly, I thought about how fortunate I was to be sitting in the parking lot at work. Knowing that I have a job that I love brings me comfort. As I am pondering these things I break a small smile. Sure, the smile is small and probably won't carry much weight throughout the day. However, it is also possible that this small smile will grow throughout the day and I see other people smile at me in return.

When you shift your perception you shift your mood and you shift the way that you respond to the challenges that you are facing. It's not always going to be easy. There may be some days when it feels impossible. Maybe you did have that accident but think about this, the fact that you are reading this means that you survived and that is a good thing. 

Bottom line, when working through the struggle be kind to yourself. Focus on the things that you did right. Focus on your small achievements rather than your big mess-ups because it is in those small achievements that you will find that perspective and there is where you will find that joy.

Hope you have a great day and keep smiling. 

You Will Never Be Forgotten, Memorial Day Dedication

Dog Doesn't Recognize his Owner

Happy Mother's Day!

Jennifer S. - Happy Mother's Day - Flowers
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Don't Always Listen to People's Advice

Can You See Me Now?

Easter Weekend

Jennifer S. - Happy Easter Weekend

Happy Easter Weekend. Easter means a lot of different things for different people. This particular Easter has been a challenge for me. My lungs getting infected meant coughing up an unpleasant amount of blood and grave difficulties breathing at just the lightest amount of exhaustion. I had this overwhelming feeling that I was letting down my family. Easter though, represents hope and with the strong love of those closest to me we have been able to do almost all the things I wanted to do. Unfortunately, I couldn't participate as I would have liked. Yet, I'm here. I'm alive and I'm loved and at the end of the day isn't that what matters most. The song I wrote about loss is nearly complete. This piece is so dear to my heart :heart:. It is my hope that you will find comfort when you listen to it. For now, enjoy the rest of this Easter weekend. Hold onto your values, your beliefs, and your loved ones. I cherish you.

Birthday Reflections

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have always loved my birthday because it served as a reminder that I was here. As I get older, I have more people tell me that it is time to stop winding the clock. I have always hated that thought because it felt like there was something wrong with growing old. For me, growing old represented being on this planet long enough to make it that far. Not everyone is so fortunate.

I will admit though, there is a fear. The fear that as my body fails me those that I love will no longer see my value and I'll be discarded. It can be challenging sometimes to look past the fear and see the joy in the experience. 

The other day I was watching stories about people who started living in their 70's. Imagine that? I've included a video of one of these incredible stories for you to view. We always preach about it is never too late but deep down I don't think we believe it. At least, I didn't completely believe it. I am a believer now. 

When I stop and think about those incredible folks I cannot help but feel a warmth in my own heart. This reminder that even though I haven't "found myself" yet that there is still time. The journey, the experience, and the relationships that have been built along the way are what define us. 

It isn't a race. One day, I'd like to look back at my life and know that I lived it well. Tomorrow is my birthday, but today I say goodbye to the old me and welcome the newer, slightly wiser version of myself. That's pretty comforting. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me.

 

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Just Having a Little April Fools Day Fun...

Jennifer S. - April Fools Day
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In the Studio...

Breaking My Soul (Lyric Video)

A little something to hold you over...new music coming soon!

 

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New Music, Coming Soon...

Jennifer S. - Becoming Undone
Jennifer S. - Tropical Snow

Wake Up and Chase That Dream...

Chase That Dream

I woke up this morning, my body in pain, and wondering if I was making good choices with my life. It is weird when you don’t know who you are going to be from one minute to the next.

One minute I am strong Jennifer, capable of conquering the world and achieving everything that I set my sights on. The next I am withering Jennifer, who can barely get out of bed because of the pain. How do you become both and yet neither at the same time? The reality that I am not this invisible person nor am I this weak person is sometimes a hard pill to swallow because I feel both so deeply and profoundly that it terrifies me. I’m told that I share too much and yet, I’m told that I don’t share enough. What a world we live in where what is too much for one man is not enough for another.

The new song that I am working on called “I Miss You” is a tribute to my cousin who was just 2 years older than me when he passed away. When I think about him I recall how he used to lead us and how he inspired me to chase after my dreams. He was always so brave and strong and I didn’t see myself that way but through his influence I began to find that person. I became who I am today in part because of his influence and while I firmly believe that each person that you meet in your life impacts you there are some that impact you more than others. While I will never get to see him again (or the others that I have lost along the way) I will always remember the impact that he had on my life.

I will always be grateful. I will always be reminded of who I am meant to become and I will never stop chasing after that dream.

Bad Days make the Good Days Even Better

baddaysgooddays

I’ve been kinda quiet lately. This is mostly because I have not been in the place spiritually where I have had good news to share. There has been a darkness looming over me and that has practically brought me to my knees. It can only be described as a sorrow. A deep and unyielding sorrow. So I asked myself how could I come forward and share the good news with you if I was covered in pain and sadness that I couldn’t find my own way.


It was at that moment that I understood something that is hard to understand. I was expecting to be perfect. I thought I needed to be more than what I could be. I thought I needed to be a hero who never had bad days and who never struggled. The reality is, that’s just not me. I have bad days but I also have good days. It is the good days that pull me from the bad and remind me that everything is going to be alright. 


I am thankful to have a family that loves me so deeply and without compromise. They understand that I won’t always be at my best and they love me anyway. It was hard for me to write this post. In fact, I thought about not posting at all. After a while though I realized that I needed to share this with you. You, my fans, who joined me on this journey because you believed in what I was trying to do.


You believed in my music but most importantly, you believed in the message. The message is simple. It is about finding a way to navigate through a crazy world without letting the world define you. It is about making a decision that you will fight for your happiness because it is worth it. It is about realizing that happiness is not a matter of how much money you have in your bank account but rather how good the relationships are in your life that you do have. 


If you are fortunate enough to receive financial abundance it is about having the spirit of giving so that you are in a position to receive. The world tells you that you will always be poor unless you make the decision to walk over others. I believe that you will always be poor if you believe that wealth is about pain and abuse. Wealth, in its essence is having an abundance and when you use what you have to better not just your life but those around you as well, that is a truly incredible thing. That is when you are able to say that you are living the life of abundance. 


I haven’t achieved the financial freedom that I seek yet but I have an abundant life and I give back on a daily basis because I believe that it is when you care about the world that you are able to change it. Will I always have days where I feel like sharing my story? Nope, I sure won’t. Yet, it is that very story that defines who I am as a person and it is the platform that I build my future.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. I value you. 

Habits of Empathetic People

Walking the Line

Walking the line Sometimes, there are days that feel like they are spiraling out of control. You feel like falling (or at least I do) and hope that by some miracle you can manage to make it through. For most of us, we make it through. By the end of the day, you wipe your brow and let out the breath that you have been holding on all day. Maybe you are like me and your mind is gone. All thoughts brought down to their most basic elements and subjected to the oversight of basic instincts.

Can I breathe? Check.

Can I still make it to my bathroom to take a bath/shower? Check.

Will I be able to make dinner tonight? Check.

As I go through this list of basic needs it calms me and reminds me that everything is going to be ok. I am going to be able to tuck my children in and I am going to be able to snuggle up next to my husband for a movie. Things are good.

Walking the line for me is a continuous reminder that life comes with its own set of challenges but it is how you choose to embrace those challenges that defines the way that you will perceive your day or the way that you will walk that line. The line is invisible. It is a reflection of the expectation that you have set for yourself and the expectation that the world has set for you. It encompasses all that you fear as well as all that you hold to be true. This invisible line that manages to move even though you thought for sure you understood where it was supposed to be. It is an ever changing, ever evolving concept that calls you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. When you find yourself walking this invisible line you are most likely challenging your beliefs or the beliefs of others and you are experiencing conflict.

The line between what you believe to be right and what you want to do may not always be clear. The line sometimes is hard to see until you have already crossed it yet it is always there. It is ever present. It is ever visible and it is always calling you to mind it. Mind the line. Stay on one side of the line. Don’t cross the line. Walking the line is tempting fate or flirting with disaster.

Don’t walk the line.

I walk the line. Every day that I make the decision that I am not going to be what my condition tells me that I should be. Instead, I am going to be who I see myself as. I walk the line. I walk the line when I get angry about the way that things work but I don’t allow that anger to define my actions. I walk the line when I refuse to conform to norms that don’t align with my own moral compass. Did he really say that? I don’t care. He’s not here to defend himself. I walk the line. 

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You were Born to Succeed!

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"Close My Eyes"

Sometimes I close my eyes and I see nothing.

It’s dark there.

I become afraid.

Other times I close my eyes and I see all of the possibilities.

It’s colorful there.

I become reinvigorated.

 

- Jennifer S. Benson

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