I woke up this morning, my body in pain, and wondering if I was making good choices with my life. It is weird when you don’t know who you are going to be from one minute to the next.
One minute I am strong Jennifer, capable of conquering the world and achieving everything that I set my sights on. The next I am withering Jennifer, who can barely get out of bed because of the pain. How do you become both and yet neither at the same time? The reality that I am not this invisible person nor am I this weak person is sometimes a hard pill to swallow because I feel both so deeply and profoundly that it terrifies me. I’m told that I share too much and yet, I’m told that I don’t share enough. What a world we live in where what is too much for one man is not enough for another.
The new song that I am working on called “I Miss You” is a tribute to my cousin who was just 2 years older than me when he passed away. When I think about him I recall how he used to lead us and how he inspired me to chase after my dreams. He was always so brave and strong and I didn’t see myself that way but through his influence I began to find that person. I became who I am today in part because of his influence and while I firmly believe that each person that you meet in your life impacts you there are some that impact you more than others. While I will never get to see him again (or the others that I have lost along the way) I will always remember the impact that he had on my life.
I will always be grateful. I will always be reminded of who I am meant to become and I will never stop chasing after that dream.